Healing While Performing: The Girl Who Glows & Crashes

 image creds: pinterest (@aerdnea)

Being tired isn’t the problem — it’s pretending I’m not.

I curled myself into a ball on the cold bathroom floor and sobbed. My phone lay forgotten on the toilet seat, while silent tears cascaded down my cheeks. My voice was trapped in my throat. The anguish echoed in my mind, but never broke free physically. Next thing I know, I’m on my bed, held in my friend’s arms, being soothed with comforting words about how he was a waste of three months, how he never deserved a relationship with me, how he was chopped anyway.

The next morning, I’m concealing puffy eyes, headphones in, revising for the last stretch of exams, pretending to be okay to kill the dread that hasn’t left my chest. My heart is heavy.

We ball though, right?

As a healing perfectionist, I’ve always been hungry. Hungry to fulfill the role of the responsible girl, the high achiever, the pretty one, the one who can handle it. Especially as a girl raised in an African household — where accountability is drilled into you, along with many other expectations I’ll save for future posts.

Don’t get it twisted though — I love who I am, and who I’m becoming. I love the clean girl vibe, I love my sports, my extracurriculars, my grades, my grind.

But that’s where the ball drops:

Rest isn’t easy when you’re known for doing it all.

Sometimes I think I’m addicted to being impressive — even when it exhausts me.

One of my earliest cracks this year came after a chemistry mock. I walked out of the room, clambered into bed, face-down, hands over my head, and cried. Screamed internally. I pushed everyone away. I felt like a failure.

(Side note: I did, in fact, fluke chemistry… HOWEVER, your girl ended up bagging 5 A’s and the rest were passable. So. Not all bad.)

I’m making a shift now — choosing softness as power.

I’m redefining what rest looks like for me:

• Morning balcony time
• No phone before 12pm
• Stretching breaks
• Journaling mid-overthinking

It’s not laziness — it’s self-preservation.

My brain finally doesn’t feel like it’s being roundhouse kicked by survival mode.

“I’m still a soft girl with big dreams — I just don’t want to burn for applause anymore.”

If you’re reading this and it hits — take what you need.

Here’s how I stay soft even when I feel like I’m spiraling:

• Put on a calm playlist instead of overthinking in silence
• Drink water and romanticize it like it’s wine
• Put my phone in another room and just breathe
• Wear perfume, even when I’m sad
• Watch a creator who doesn’t yell at me to hustle
• Journal like no one’s grading it

Remember:

You don’t need to be perfect. You are becoming.

And maybe, just maybe —

the version of you who chooses rest is the most powerful one.

🌸 Soft Thought of the Week:

“You’re allowed to be tired and brilliant at the same time.”

🔍 Soul Mirror Prompt:

When was the last time you gave yourself permission to rest before you earned it?

🎧 What I Play When I Want to Be Held (By the Universe):

• Garden (Say It Like Dat) – SZA
• Borderline – Tame Impala
• Motion Sickness – Phoebe Bridgers
• Moon River  – Frank Ocean
• I Am – Yung Baby Tate ft. Flo Milli

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te deseo amor, luz, y muchas muchas sonrisas. 🌙

With softness and soul,

lyra m

 #healing#softgirlenergy#blackgirlblogger#restculture#mentalhealth#burnout #cleanvibes#balconythoughts #thatgirl #lyramwrites